it's always been you

dear..,

you.

the one that i love.

do you remember the very first time we met?

9 months ago?

probably not.

dear..,

you.

the one that used to be my everything.

you were my love

my best friend

my enemy

my brother

my everything.

do you remember that you used to be them?

probably not.

dear..,

you.

the one that reminded me to be happy

to smile

to remember that i'm not alone

because you were there.
because you said you wont give up on us
because you said distance means nothing for us

do you remember, honey?

probably not.

dear..,

you.

the one that forced me to wake up every morning

then looked up the phone and smile for no reason

dear..,

you.

it was you.

it's always been you.

i love you,

you.

tenth

all started from may.

we met..,

we talked and talked and talked,

june, and july,

i didnt like the way you texted me everyday

but i've to proved that i was lonely and you were there.

august come,

with all beautiful things between our conversation.

day 10th.

it happened...,

oh wait, it didn't happen but it happened. (sorry if you aren't understand)

september, october,..

they were bitter sweet months. 

distance made me crazy,

so did other different things between us.

but..

you were always there,

you told that everything will be better soon,

you promised me.

you sent me picts of your face and you sent me voice messages.

you know, i repeated your voice everyday because it's the only way to feel close to you.

november rain,

rainy fell everyday, it never fails me to miss you..

i couldn't tell about you to other people.

i kept it by myself. deep inside my heart.

i cried.

december,

everything was back to normal.

i tried to understand about our differences.

well this is the one of our convo that i love the most in this month;

"i love you"

"i love you three."

"three..?"

"yes, because i love you two is less than i love you three."

but..
i couldn't held it anymore.

i told about you to some of my friends (maybe 4)..

it made me a bit better..

a new year..

we're still together..

oh, dear..

thankyou for made the rest of my 2013 better..

i know it sounds cheesy.

but i really love you..♥

words fail, picts speak.

oh, dear

where are you?

i’ve been waiting for you for so many times

would you come back here?

oh, dear

i beg you

please come back

between love & lust

so this is the way you play the gentleman's game?
you said love, but you left.
well, you win now..
even before you play it, i've lost.
i've fallen love with you.
oh wait..
maybe it was love, maybe it was lust.

a letter to myself

                                                                                                                                    january, 3rd 2013

dear nabila,

i'm here. i'm listening. it's ok, don't cry.

i will sing you to sleep, remember?

i know how you feel.

i'm not gonna say that i know "exactly" what you're going through, because i don't.

we all have different problems, some bigger than others. but that doesn't mean we can't feel, right?

i have bad thoughts too.

they keep coming back.

they're haunting me actually.

eating me away until i'm just some fucking shell.

i'm so tired of it.

sometimes i think that maybe just one little blow will make everything better.

everyone will better off without me.

i'm just too afraid to keep going.

but nabila..,

you've shown me that no matter how bad things get, no matter how useless or disgusting we feel, we must find the strenght to keep going.

we need to realize that we're not alone.

even though we can't choose where we come from, 

we can always choose where to go from there.

i want to be someone, and i think i will be.

i think you will too, nabila.

i hope you know that i'm always here to listen because you've taught me so much even when you felt alone.

but now, you can never be alone.

thank you for everything.

love always,

yourself ♥

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